Extremely depressed, help?

im so scared, i wish i had someone to talk to and then everything will be alright...i hate life, because sometimes you might feel happy, but most of the time i feel so worried... i am under way too much pressure from my parents, and ive actually been a disappointing kid, i just turned 21 and i dont know what im doing in life...i had to get an overall average of at least 60% to pass the year, which i did...but, i failed 1 course with a 48% (and you can't fail any courses)...i went to my teacher to see if he could change it, and he said thats the mark that you earned and i wont change it.....I really needed the extra 2% b/c i wanted to graduate next year and then i could maybe do something with my degree, or continue studying, and if all went well i was going to go on trials for soccer....i was going through too much and i felt so depressed throught the whole year, im lucky i even got over 60%....i also failed my life-guarding test, and i broke up with my friends (ones that were close to me)....of course this didnt all just happen at once...i also feel hate towards my parents more times than i feel love, which is bad, and towards my siblings too....and b/c im so depressed i dont care if i get bullied...my working-out & running have plummeted to the very bottom, and i cut myself alot and i cry alot and i also started praying to god, b/c thats what i think is the solution........but im still so scared cause i have a chance to appeal, but what if the dean doesnt accept it...my parents will be so disappointed with me, they wont even want to talk to me, cause ive been struggling so much with school ever since i strated feeling depressed (2 years ago)...and i feel sorry for them, cause they dont deserve this, i cant take it if i dont pass this year...i keep saying how i wish to commit suicide, but i know deep in me that i wont, which sucks even more, cause i wish i were dead but i cant do it..........and even if this all passes by, what am i supposed to do in the future, i really got no motivation for life, cause i fail at whatever i do....im so down, i need help, and i just wish you could pray for me to pass..........its all in me, and i want to explode cause i dont tell people about my situation (im the worst of the worst)...cutting doesnt really help either, i dont know what to do, i give up